Sometimes I go through the pictures I have of Corbin....to relive the time I had with him.
I don't have a lot of him outside of the hospital...those I do have of him without tubes and wires are precious to me. Those photos withhold huge, emotional memories. Each different, each bittersweet in thier own way.
I stare....taken back to that day. That blur of a memory is made crystal clear each time I view those photos. Feelings, thoughts, even how something felt is brought back to me...maybe only for an instant, like holding onto water, it falls away before I can savor it. But I am entranced.
You know the feeling...it's how you get when you're daydreaming...lost in a other world, oblivious to any outside sounds or sights..your eyes not in this world, but back in that time.
For me that is bliss.
To be able to trigger such a memory is a blessing that I hope I never lose.
My only regret is not taking more video. I am left with silent images that leave me longing to hear him...the way he would grunt, or his little baby sneezes. I ache to hear that again. My heart pains for it...but I will never get that back. I am left with very little video of Corbin and I hate it. I hate that I didn't record hours of just him breathing.
If only I could go back......
But for now. I have these...