Hello new friend...

Hello new friend. 

Welcome to my world. 
I'm sorry to tell you, I'm sorry you had to find out this way...we were just introduced today after all, but..

my baby died.

 It was almost three years ago now. I know that was the last thing you were expecting when you added me online. I know you were expecting to see a lot of kid pictures, maybe some party photos, a couple albums of past vacations, and the occasional Facebook rant about something that made me mad.
What you were not expecting to see was posts about heart defects, how they take more lives then all childhood cancers combined, how I continually ask for shares to spread awareness of the condition that took my child. Yes...my baby died and yes, I can talk about it. 

You see, I am very proud of my son. Did you know that your newborn was screened for heart defects because of my son? Did you know that time they took your child for a couple minutes to "run a test" that they were putting a pulse ox band on her tiny, newborn hand and foot, to test her oxygen levels?To see how much oxygen her little, newborn heart was getting; to make sure there wasn't a life threatening heart condition that might possible take her life. Like it did my son. 

Pulse ox. It can detect heart defects and yes, it is mandatory in this state because of my son and the advocacy work, I and others, did after his passing to make sure that no other mother had to live through a surprise diagnosis of heart defects. 

Even though this is my story and my reality...I'm sorry. I'm sorry there is no easy way to tell a new friend something so deep and personal about myself. I'm sorry that we just met and you showed me pictures of your beautiful new baby girl, and now I'm telling you my newborn died. I'm sorry I have to put this kind of information on you, but please don't feel sorry for me. Please believe me when I tell you I'm ok. It's been a very hard three years, but there have been very happy moments. 

The moment when we heard Corbin's Bill had passed.
The moment I read the email that said the bill was implemented state wide.
The moment I watched a newborn, in person, be screened and pass.
The moment I was told I was going to fly to the White House to share my story.
The moment I founded The Corbin Story Fund and signed that paper making it official. 
The moment I joined another local organization to offer a child loss support group.
The many, many moments I have been told how much Corbin has inspired others to make a difference, to help spread awareness, to tell another mom to ask for pulse ox on her newborn...

And especially...

The moment I was told Corbin's Bill has saved other babies. Oh the tears...knowing that even though my son isn't here anymore, that he is continuing to save lives.
So you see...I am ok. Despite my loss, I have many things to be happy about.

So, it's nice to meet you. I hope you stay around. 
This is my story.
This is my life.
I am Corbin's mama. 

Corbin Walker Caruthers
February 20th, 2011- May 17th, 2011.

1 comment:

kaeleen said...

I just wanted to say I'm so happy I got to meet you, but also sad that our experiences made it possible for us meet. I'm looking forward to our next group meeting. ^_^

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