First time parent

I seriously feel like a first time mom. It is the strangest feeling. Even though my son will be 5 (what?!) in two months, it's like he was here the whole time; like he's always been a part of our family and this is my first time having a newborn.

Weird I know, but I have a theory.

We had Monkey just over a year after we got married. We were, what I consider, still young and we hadn't been married very long. We were still getting to know each other, let alone trying to figure out how to raise this little human. As some of you know, I got pregnant with Corbin just three months after I had Monkey. So there was a lot going on!

All of that plus Corbin passing away changed us. We were not the same couple that had gotten married just two short years ago. That whole experience changed our faith, our emotions, the way we deal with each other, and the way we handle new experiences.

So Hubby and I were a new couple when Babygirl arrived. We were more sensitive, thankful, aware, humbled, and broken at the same time. You may not realize that EVERY SINGLE second of every day, we are thinking of Corbin. So having a newborn again and getting to watch her grow outside of the hospital is earth shattering to us. The simplest things break my heart; like the day we brought her home. Nothing happened.
"Well that's a good thing" you say.
YES!! It is!!
Nothing happened. There was no "well, we hear something wrong in her heart" or "we have scheduled you for an echo."
The very simple fact that we could take her home with no follow up doctor's appointment the next day was mind-blowing bliss.

The third day we had her home. Nothing happened.
There was no follow up echo to drive to. No heart breaking diagnosis of a heart problem.
Nothing happened.

Day five.
Yup. Nothing happened!!
We stayed home with our beautiful, healthy, amazing girl whose heart beats strong and even. Day 5 with Corbin, we were in the emergency room, waiting on an ambulance to take us 4 hours away so our newborn could have heart surgery.

Babygirl is a month old today and she has been here in this house longer then Corbin ever could. Every day, there is something she does that Corbin never got the chance to and there isn't a word to describe that feeling.

So yeah. I feel like a first time parent, getting to experience these amazing newborn moments and just feeling my heart almost explode with happiness and gratefulness.