Never forget

One of the harder parts of losing a child is incredibly speed at which time flies after they are gone. I feel like the world is on fast forward, and one day soon, no one is going to remember you.

But not today. Today is all about remembering and sharing and being there for each other. It is a day of love and memories. Today, time stands still.

Today I released ten red balloons in honor of a few babies that have left us too soon. I know 10 barely touches on the amount of children that leave us every day, but it felt good to say their names. They are not, and will not, be forgotten.

This balloon is in honor of my brother Elijah. He was a miscarriage years and years ago, when I was about 8. It was the first time I had ever seen my parents cry.

Here are the balloons, flying over our farm, on their way to heaven.

As part of my dedication today, I went by myself to my son's grave site. I tied his balloon to his wind chime stand, took a few pictures, and when I turned around to get my video camera ready: whooosh. There went his balloon! I couldn't help but laugh. Corbin was not waiting around for me to get my camera ready; he wanted to play with his balloon! I managed to get a few pictures before his balloon completely disappeared. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't able to do video the dedication I had in mind, but I felt like Peanut was there.

Miss you baby.

Make me a rainbow...

This evening, as I was headed to the grocery store in the pouring rain, "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry started playing. As the lyric: "Make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother" starting playing, I sent up a prayer wishing to see a rainbow from Corbin. 
It wasn't 5 seconds later, when I looked to my left, there was a double rainbow!! I slammed on my brakes, pulled off the road, and scrambled to take a picture before it disappeared. 
As soon as the song was over, the rainbows vanished. I just cried and cried, thanking God for my short, but so meaningful moment with Corbin. It was so obvious that moment was meant for me and that is was sent from Peanut.
<3 <3 <3

We love and miss you Peanut. Thank you for saying hi. <3 <3 <3

I am..

I am an angel mom. You may not see it at first, but if you look closely it's clear.

I have your name on a wing around my neck.

I have a tattoo on my shoulder memorializing your life.

I have a drawer of sympathy letters I never open.

I have a box of programs from you funeral.

I have a chest with your first outfit in it. It also contains the other small, but meaningful things from your short life.

I have your picture in my purse.

I carry the scars of infant loss on my heart.

I am an angel mom.

October is Pregnancy and Child Loss Awareness Month. You may not see it at first, but you are surrounded by mothers and fathers who have lost a child. Whether it was a miscarriage, a stillbirth, or an infant or child loss; they are here. There are many and they all hurt. No loss is more or less painful. There is no such thing as "just a miscarriage". There is no time limit on the pain.
This month, I challenge you to reach out and listen to someone's story. Though it is painful, telling the story of our angel children helps us to remember. It helps us to spread their story so others will know you lived. Tell your story, be heard, and let your angel's story live on.

Pregnancy Complications - Every year in the United States:

875,000 woman experience one or more pregnancy complications

458,952 babies are born to mothers without adequate prenatal care

467,201 babies are born prematurely

307,030 babies are born with Low Birth Weight

154,051 children are born with Birth Defects

27,864 infants die before their first birthday

Share and be aware. 

Silent Sunday

October is pregnancy and baby loss awareness month. 

As part of Silent Sunday on Finley's Footprints, this is my photo representing infant loss.

There are no words needed. I love you Peanut.