More then a holiday

Father's Day has many reasons to different people. It's a day to thank you father for being there, being supportive, loving, and for teaching you those lessons that do not come easy for a parent.

For loss parents it has a whole new meaning.

A day to celebrate being a dad..but what if your child isn't with you anymore? It's a very painful reminder of what you have lost and what you will never be able to celebrate with that child anymore.
My husband deals with his grief in a totally different way then me but I know that he feels those same painful emotions on days like this.

That is part of why I wanted today to be the day we revealed the gender of our third child. Our rainbow baby. I didn't want to overshadow Corbin's memory, but instead to include him in our special occasion. It felt like our whole family was here to share the excitement and joy. I know he was there.

This day has been long awaited. Many, many heartfelt prayers have been said, tears have been shed, and our hearts have broken with each negative pregnancy test. We feared that maybe...we weren't able to have another child. That Monkey would be our child to hold, and Corbin our child to hold in memory. I cried with disbelief when I saw the positive pregnancy test, and I cried today when our child's gender was revealed. Not out of sadness or disappointment, but out of pure disbelief and awe that it was really happening.

It's a very conflicting be so full of joy for this new life, but hesitant to celebrate too much based on the fear and knowledge of what could go wrong. We do not dwell on those fears, but we do not ignore them either. We cannot ignore the knowledge that we have gained from Corbin. It was a painful lesson, but one I will never forget or be regretful for.

We were joined by family and close friends for our celebration, and thankfully my brother and parents were able to watch through video chat.

There was pink and blue lemonade...

I was so thankful that my brother and parents were able to video chat in and see the whole thing!

Monkey was excited to see his uncle.

All guests voted and we also took an online vote to include our dear friends that couldn't attend. It was fun to see how many participated and who stuck around, waiting for the results! We also had everyone write down what they thought we should name the new baby. 

We represented Corbin with his footprint box and the little lamb that kept him company in the hospital.

After we voted on boy or girl and names, we went outside for the balloon reveal.

I was calm and relaxed till the moment I saw the box, then I had a little freak out moment before I was able to go outside and actually look. 

 Here I am trying not to hyperventilate! 

Me about to hyperventilate...

...then breaking down into uncontrollable sobbing. I had to look and concentrate really hard on the balloons because I literally did not believe my eyes that they were pink!!

Watching as some of them flew to the skies to play with Corbin

It took me awhile to calm down before I came back out for the last picture. 

We're having a girl!!

Happy Father's Day to my husband. I really do not tell him as much as I should how much I love and appreciate him. I never thought I would be blessed with three children and I am SO happy that we have built this life together. Thank you baby for our life, our beautiful babies, and for staying with me through the hardest time of our lives. You are THE best and most wonderful father. I love you forever and always.