Newborn I miss that

This video, more then any other, really breaks my heart. If you are a mother, you know the amazing bliss from smelling your newborn's head. The ecstasy you get from putting your nose in the soft, baby hair, from inhaling that sweet baby smell, from simply being that close to your newborn. 

I miss that. 

I watched the video over and over today and just cried. I cried because I miss my baby. I cried because I want that, I want him back. I want to be able to smell his hair, stroke his head, and tell him I love him. 

Sometimes it feels like he was never here. Sometimes I wonder if this all ever happened. Of course I know better, but still...sometimes...I have these thoughts. 

Just watch. There are no words for how this makes me feel.