The Flower Garden

Picking a burial spot for your child is a very special thing.
We were offered a spot in our families "section" of the cemetery but it didn't feel right. He would have had to shared a headstone with the other family members around him. I didn't want that, I wanted something special. Something more personal.
So we went to the Flower Garden they have for the angel babies. Walking among the headstones and seeing the toys and teddy bears left on the graves was sombering. One gravestone has quite a few Thomas the Tank Engine toys over it; it made me sad. Sad that Corbin will never play with the toys he had waiting for him at home.
I didn't want just any spot. I wanted a spot under a tree near the edge of the Garden. I wanted this so that Corbin won't be surrounded by many more headstones and just seem like another grave site. He deserves something special.
We were able to "reserve" a spot near the edge and under a tall tree. As we were wandering around, looking at different headstones a huge thunderstorm rolled in. So we all had to get back into the car before the rain started to pour. We continued to drive around to get ideas about what kind of headstone we would like to have. I really liked the white ones. They weren't common but they looked just right. I decide that I would like to order a white headstone with a weeping angel over it. I know it's sad and not the "usual" but to me it is perfect. I just imagine a little angel crying over his grave, saddened that such a young life had to leave this world.

The next day we have to drop off the outfit we want him buried in.
I didn't know what I wanted at first, but when I saw that little blue onesie with a lion on it, I started crying. It was perfect. Corbin was a fighter and a lion seems so appropriate. I have been drawn to them since he was born and I feel like it represents him perfectly.
My son may have been sick but he had the heart of a lion.
I also leave a little wooden lion, his silkie that they put over his head at the hospital, and the blanket I crocheted to be buried with him.

We pick out the verse we want on the programs at the wake. I don't remember who posted it, but I found this verse on Facebook one day and it has stuck with me ever since.
Isaiah, 41.10:
Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you;
Surely I will uphold you with the right hand of My righteousness.

Later that day after we get home, Hubby's cousin-in-law stops by the house to tell us something. She says the town had ordered a new playset for the park and it had just arrived. Hubby's other cousin-in-law works for the town and wanted to dedicate the playset in honor of Corbin. He wanted to know if that was okay with us. Hubby and I can only nod through the tears...such a sweet sentiment. I love the idea that later in life, we can take Monkey down there and show him the play set dedicated to his brother.

Hubby and I agreed on something. We don't like hearing people say that Corbin "lost his battle" with his illness. We don't believe that. Corbin didn't lose. He fought and he fought till God came down and took him home. That's not losing. He is in heaven with the Father, no more illness, no more broken heart; he is healed and healthy and happy. I believe God was in that room that day. He saw my poor baby fighting for his life and he came down and told him it was okay to let go. I believe he took my baby's hand, said "It's time to go" and took away all his pain. Corbin wasn't there when the doctors were trying to start his heart back up; he was watching from above holding the hand of our Lord. This makes me smile.
He didn't lose at all. He reached his goal and won an eternity of light and love with no more pain. 


mama to j and bean said...

This is a beautifully written post. I think the lion is a perfect representation for Corbin and that playground will make a wonderful, special play space. Thinking of you tonight!!!

Erica Alls said...

Amazing way to look at things. I'm sure it gives you some sense of peace in a way. He did get healed, it may not have been the way we planned but in the way God planned. Love you!!

Teresa said...

You're a beautiful writer and your perspective in that final paragraph is incredible. Thank you for sharing this journey with us and allowing us to celebrate Corbin's life with you. I know it's not the journey you ever imagined you would take. For such a little lion, he sure has touched the lives of so many people who have never met him or you. Sending prayers.

Mrs. Sylvia said...

The most amazing thing about all of this, is that Corbin's 3 months here on Earth will live on in so many forever. Not only has he made it to his Eternal Life in heaven, but he has made residence forever in the hearts of mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, sisters, brothers, doctors, nurses, friends, the closest family members and the farthest strangers. Through him people have learned and grown and will continue to do so. On random days many weeks, months, and years after Corbin received his wings he will flutter in for a moment and say Hello, remember to fight, remember God loves you, you can do this.

Thank you Ruth and Cody for continuing to share your story, allowing Corbin to continue to touch so many loves.

nicugradsmom said... his fight was not lost, it was fought with courage and determination until God saw that he fought a mighty fight and God called him to rest....Sending long distance heart hugs !!

Kristine said...

He did not lose. In this society, we have so many phrases and words for grief and death that really just don't fit, and that is one of those. The flower garden sounds lovely.

Noel said...

I am so glad that you found the flower garden it does sound beautiful. I agree wholeheartedly that Corbin did not lose his battle at all. He will always be a lion in my eyes, brave strong and fierce to try to protect those he loves.

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