Day Five

Thursday


I can't take it anymore.

I cannot take such a sensitive part of my body and put it into a child that only wants to chew on it.
My boobs are on strike.
They quit.
They packed their things and flipped me the bird on their way out.

So I begin pumping. Not only to relieve the pain, but to hopefully help increase my production. I am forced to use a bottle, as my boobs are in the process of hiring a lawyer. However, the baby wants nothing to do with a bottle. He will take it in his mouth, then spit it out.
Great.

As a result, he sleeps only about an hour at a time. I don't get to sleep till 3am and that only lasts 3 hours till the toddler starts crying and wakes me up.
My mother is here and usually gets up with Monkey, but she was forced to put earplugs in (thanks to Hubby yelling at his video game at 1 in the morning) so she did not hear him wake up.
Another great.

I wake up my mother, dump my toddler in her arms, and head back to bed.

Four hours later, I feel much better. Peanut is still asleep, of course. Why would he want to wake up during the day? That's just crazy! Doesn't everyone sleep all day and play all night?
*facepalm*

He can't sleep all day though, as he has a checkup with his pediatrician. So me and mom get everything together, grab the sleeping baby, and head to town.
Doc tells us that Peanut's heart sounds the same, which is good that it's not getting worse. He has not seen the echo so he cannot say for sure what is wrong. Peanut's jaundice levels are quite high, though, so he sends us to the lab for him to get tested again.
I hide in a corner as they poke Peanut for blood.
He screams.
I silently die a little.

His levels are still really high, so he asks us to have the baby tested again the next day.
Yay, something to look forward to. Not to mention we have ANOTHER appointment back in Beckley to talk to a Pediatric Cardiologist. He will run an echo himself and look at the results. He will be able to tell us what is wrong with Peanut.

On a little good note, I finally get my staples taken out. *Relief!* Those buggers would tug every time I would try to change positions at night, or sometimes my underwear would snag and *TUG*.
Ouch.

After spending hours at the doctors office, it's a relief to head home. We have a pretty easy afternoon.

Around 7 that evening, members from our church show up to anoint the baby with oil. I'm not sure exactly what it means (shows how often I go to church), but in a spiritual way it makes me feel better. They touch oil to his forehead and pray over him for healing and strength. The power of the moment combined with all my motherly emotions means I start crying.
I cry because I feel so helpless for my baby. My child, that I carried for 9 months, who I felt move inside me and tickle my ribs with his hiccups.
I cry for the weight of the unknown on my shoulders.
I cry for the pain and confusion I'm feeling.
I cry for my baby.

I have decided that I want to start, regularly, putting Monkey to bed. I want to establish some kind of routine since his little brother will taking so much of my attention. I don't want him to feel left out in any way. I know, already, that he feels something has changed. There are moments when he wants to be held, and as soon as I pick him up, Peanut wakes up. So I know he feels the change. I just want him to know that I have not forgotten him. I love that kid so stinking much, he has no idea.

I spend time with Monkey in his room, playing with his toys with him. I then put him to bed, then head to bed myself.

I fall asleep worrying about what the next day will bring.

Day four

Wednesday

I wake up dreading the day.
Today is the day we have to go to Beckley with the baby for an echocardiogram.

His first night home went well. He was up off and on till midnight then slept till 2, then till 6, then till 10. I am still nursing (yay!) but he is a chomper.
For those who haven't breast-fed, I tell ya what, it can get painful if you don't have the hang of it. I'm trying my hardest to get him to latch right but he just doesn't seem to want to open up! I am contemplating pumping till the soreness goes down.

I am nervous the whole ride to Beckley. Hubby is calm and reassuring, as always, but that only makes me worry more. I know it could be nothing, but it could also be a whole mess of something bad! I just wish people would stop being so optimistic and realize that this is serious. That I  am taking this very seriously. I am his mother, I am supposed to, and I will continue to worry till I hear that nothing is wrong.
We have to stop and adjust the car seat. Peanut is so small, his head falls into his lap when he's asleep. This makes me worry more, so I put a neck pillow around him to support his head.

When we get into the doctor's office, the lady behind the counter is smitten with Peanut's name. :) She keeps saying over and over how much she loves it. After filling out insurance info and paying the deductible, we are shown back.
We get Peanut settled in, I have to nurse to calm him down, the technician starts the echo.

Silence.
"Hmmm...."
More silence.

"Crap" I think to myself. It's never good when the technician won't talk to you.
Hubby asks:
"So do you see the murmur?"
She doesn't answer.

She continues with the echo, avoiding his question.

"Well....I see holes."

I hear my heart break.
"Okay? What does that mean?"
She tells us she wants a second opinion before she will say. So she calls in another nurse.
They talk among themselves but we can hear that she agrees with the technician.
Peanut has multiple holes in his heart.

She leaves to call the cardiologist.
We just look at each other. No words are necessary for the level of shock we just experienced.
What do you say, to the father of your child, when you hear something is wrong with your baby?
What can you do, when you know that things just got a whole hell of a lot more complicated. This isn't just a murmur, this isn't just a blip on the ultrasound. This is serious stuff.

The cardiologist only says that he wants to see the echo himself before he can say. All we can do is leave , praying that he won't see anything else.
Dumbstruck, we drive home.
I call mom and immediately start crying. I can't get the words out.
"He has holes in his heart"
"Oh baby...I'm so sorry"

We make more phone calls on the ride home. I hate that we don't know more. Family members bring up more questions but we can't answer. It's a horrible feeling.

When we arrive home, no one says anything. Mom comes out to meet us at the car. She's crying.
Seeing my mom break down like that just kills me...I start crying again.
I just hold my baby and cry.

Day two and three

Monday.

As day two, newborn edition, begins; I begin to realize that my son is a night-baby.
He is more active during the night and sleeps all day. The complete opposite of his brother.
Go figure.

I sleep when I can, nurse when I have to. They take my catheter out (OUCH), and were going to take out my IV but I wasn't feeling that great so they left it in.
They bring up my "mothers lunch." It consists of shrimp cocktail, salad, steak and potatoes, lobster tail, and creme brulee cheesecake.
Too bad I'm too nauseated to eat it.

So I sit and stare at it, miserable, as I try to fight back this nausea. Hubby walks in, and attacks his steak and potatoes.
I moan and groan, and try to go back to sleep.

Dr. D arrives.
He tells us he heard a heart murmur in the baby and has already talked to a specialist in Morgantown.
*insert minor heart attack*
He tells us Peanut's vitals are good, but his blood pressure is a little too high. He will stay here with me till Wednesday, but if his blood pressure hasn't gone down, then Dr. D will not release him.
He has also been scheduled for an echocardiogram in Beckley Wednesday, since the hospital does not have the equipment to run the necessary tests.

Everyone tells me that heart murmurs are nothing, and not to be worried.
But I have a bad feeling about this.

More visitors.
We explain the news.

The day goes on, people coming in and out.
I'm still worrying.
We look up heart murmers online.
Continue to worry.

Day Three
Tuesday

They take the baby around 8 am for an xray.
Tests all look the same. Vitals are good. We wait on news from Dr. D. He tells us he has a phone consultation at noon with a cardiologist. He will let us know how it goes.

Peanut's circumcision has been postponed to avoid unnecessary stress on the baby.

I'm trying not to imagine all the horrible things that could be wrong. He could have something seriously wrong with his heart. He could need surgery.
Instead I try to focus on the positive. He is nursing great, he is alive and breathing, he is holding steady. There is no reason to get all worked up.
We are all praying for good news.

After a couple hours, Dr, D stops by. He tells us that Peanut's vitals are good, his blood pressure has gone down, and he and the cardiologist see nothing wrong with sending him home. He does want to see him Thursday to check his jaundice, as it is still a little high.
YAY!
So the baby is cleared, but I am not. I still have to wait on my OB to get back from Covington.
Knowing doctors and time schedules..I don't see that happening anytime soon.
Settle down for a long wait.

Almost 5 hours later, my OB finally shows up. She clears me and tells me to stop by Thursday after the baby's appointment to take out my staples. Me and mom pack up everything, I hop in a wheelchair (whoo hoo) and we head downstairs!

When we get home, I (being the nut I am) cannot stop cleaning. For some reason, my nesting hormones have not kicked off yet so I am hell bent to get the house back in order before I will sit down.
Mom and hubby badger me to stop cleaning.
I ignore said badgering.
An hour later, the house is back to my standards and I can relax.
As soon as I sit down, Peanut wakes up.
Let the sleeplessness begin!!

Day One

Sunday-20th of February
9:30 am

My water breaks in the shower.
At first, I think it's nothing. I remember thinking: did my water just break?...naaaah.
When more fluid keeps leaking...I am trying not to get too excited.
"I'll wait some more and see what happens"

After about a half hour, Hubby calls down the hall to me:
"Honey? What are you doing?"
"Uh....nothing?"

"Are you okay?"
"I don't know!!"

"What do you mean!? Are you having labor pains?"
"Uh....no. But I'm leaking!"

"Do we need to leave?"
"I don't know!!"

I call my mom to ask her opinion. She tells me to call the hospital and ask them. I know I should do this, but in a way, I don't want to go in! I'm not ready!!
Anyway..I call the hospital. I tell the nurse I have been leaking for an hour and a half. She tells me that my water definitely broke if it has lasted that long and I need to come in.

Realize I haven't packed anything.
I rush around with a towel between my legs, because I'm still leaking, and try to wrap my brain around the fact: YOU ARE HAVING A BABY TODAY!!
Smack myself in the face when I realize I haven't even gotten a baby bag together.
Geez! What have you been doing for the past nine months woman?!

We arrive at the hospital around noon.
They try to check my cervix. Emphasis on TRY.
I am told my cervix is "in my tonsils".
Doctor tells me a c-section would be advised.
Due to the fact I am having no labor pains, no contractions, no signs at all that I'm having a baby: a c-section would be better for me and the baby.
After your water breaks, you need to deliver within 24 hours to avoid infection. If I tried to wait to go into labor, it could be 12 hours, easily. My doctor tells me, I could go through the long and painful labor again, waiting to progress. Or I could have a c-section. She tells me, I worked like hell with my last labor, and she sees no reason for me to go through that again.
I am totally up for the easy way.

I had asked the nurses to hold off as long as possible on the IV.
They had graciously obliged but now that we have decided on a c-section, it was time.
Surprise! The nurse gets the IV in the first time!
*phew!* I was really dreading it. They stuck me four times with my last delivery.
Speaking of pain, getting a catheter put in when you are totally aware and under no medications: OUCH.

I'm wheeled down to the OR.
The staff are really friendly. I can tell they are trying to distract me by starting a conversation. I appreciate the thought, but it didn't really help. I am VERY aware of the anesthesiologist getting the needle ready.
The first stick really stings but it works immediately. I feel a lot of pressure when the spinal goes in and feel my toes go numb in seconds.
They lay me down and start prepping my belly. Anesthesia makes me nauseous and I'm sick once.
After some big tugs and lots of pressure:
"Whaaaa!"
I, of course, start crying.
At 2:27 pm, Peanut is brought into the world. 6 pounds, 14 ounces, he is a tiny little squirt compared to my first born of 9 pounds, 4 ounces. He cries as the clean him off and wrap him up.
When I first see him, he's really wrinkly and red. I notice he has my nose and Hubby's eyebrows. Just like my first born.

I sleep as they stitch me up. I get wheeled to recovery to let the spinal wear off.
A half hour later, they take me back up to my room. Curtis, his girlfriend Shirley, and Monkey are in the room already. Monkey wants to be held but I am in no shape to be lifting a 25 pound toddler. I'm told he was saying "baby" during the ride to the hospital. :D
Hubby, Mom, and Dad walk in. I start crying when I see my mom. 10 minutes later, Peanut is wheeled in. The nurse tells me he's starving and I need to feed him. Nursing is a lot easier then last time I tried. After some more visitors, everyone leaves except mom. She stays with me the rest of the night.

Peanut falls asleep at midnight. I get about two hours of sleep until the pain wakes me up. Back to sleep till about 5am when the baby wakes me up.

My favorite part of the day: falling asleep holding my baby. :)

A first

My son had a fever for the first time yesterday.

Hubby and I had left him with my father-in-law around 10:30 yesterday morning to go run some errands. When we got back around 1:30, the first thing I noticed when I picked him up was how hot he was. I thought maybe, since he was laying on Curtis' chest, that was why he felt warmer then usual. But 20 minutes later, he was still burning up.

As a mother, this terrified me. This is the very first time he has ever had anything worse then the sniffles. I, of course, began running every horrifying, can-only-end-in-death, scenario through my mind.
-He has the flu
-He has the bird flu!
-He has the plague
-He's only going to get hotter and hotter till he spontaneously combusts!
"calm down, its just a little fever"
BUT HE'S SOO HOT!

I gave him some fever reducer and after taking his temperature and seeing for myself that it was only one degree higher, I calmed down.
A little bit.
I called my mom.
"Baby C has a fever, WHAT DO I DO?!?!"
"Take him to the doctor, now"
"You think so?"
("Throw him in the snow!") my dad yells in the background.
"All the snow is gone!" I wailed.
After they heard his temperature was only 99.6, they told me not to worry and to call his pediatrician just to make sure.
So I did.
They told me that they don't start to worry until a child's temperature goes above 100. The nurse told me that the medicine I gave him was the right idea and all I could really do now was wait and see what happens.

It annoyed me because when you are a new mother, people tell you not to think anything is a stupid question. And the nurse just made me feel like it was a stupid question and I was silly for calling about it.  I know it wasn't really a fever but I was still worried.
Anyway...

Baby C was really fussy for the next couple hours, sleeping then waking up crying, then going back to sleep. When I woke him up at 7:30 to give him some more medicine, he felt cool again. What little fever he had was gone.
YAY!
At that point, I remember that teething can cause a baby to get a fever. Since it lasted so short of a time, I assume that is what was wrong. I felt so much better that he didn't have the plague or the bird flu and that it was only due to teething.

That doesn't mean it didn't scare me.
But thats motherhood for you. :)

Paint and Tape

We started painting the living room the other day.
Now keep in mind, these rooms haven't been touched up in probably a decade. And the living room isn't the only one that needs painting.

There are 10 rooms in this house:
Four bedrooms
Two full baths
Living room
Family room
Dining room
Kitchen

The bedrooms and bathrooms have recently been updated. The paint color isn't my favorite (they were painted before we moved in) but at least it's new. The living room has one dark forest green wall and three walls that are some kind of sea foam green.
It's horrible:

This doesn't portray how blue it really is.




I don't know what Hubby's mom was thinking when she picked this out all those years ago.





Anyway..
We, meaning me, picked out a neutral Mocha Syrup brown for the living and dining room. It's going on pretty good, we will have to do another coat but it will be slow going since Hubby went back to work today. I'm, technically, not supposed to be painting but I went ahead and painted the bay window trim.

My camera is stupid and can't handle the amount of light coming through the window.
But here is the wall with the bay windows.

I painted all the trim.








Hubby started to put tape up near the ceiling...then we realized we don't have to because we plan on putting up crown moulding.
Duh.

This is the old forest green next to the new brown I picked out.













All the trim has to be touched up, since Hubby's mom smoked in the house when she lived here, the white has turned a shade of yellow.

Gross.

So there is a lot of work left. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed by the amount. 3 more rooms full of baseboards, walls, window trim, door frames, CEILINGS!...I mean it all needs to be painted. Not to mention the entryway.
Plus the kitchen cabinets. Ugh.
So 4 more rooms?
That's a lot of paint.
And tape.
I hate taping.
But guess who gets to do it?
Ya...

So let the reno begin!