We have just reached two weeks, here in Morgantown. It doesn't sound like a long time, but it feels like years. I feel like I've been here forever and will never be able to leave. Some days, I'm really depressed; snapping at my husband, ignoring my first born, and over all being a total black hole of depressed anger.
Other days, I feel great. My son is recovering well, he looks good, I feel good, and I'm happy. I am smiling and talking to nurses, laughing, and feeling totally uplifted by prayer.
But Depression is always sitting in the back of my mind, ready to eat up all my happiness and replace it with stinking, nasty, sad thoughts that will bring me down the whole day. Depression and Anger are always following me around. Happiness is here too, but he doesn't like to mess with Anger...they can't be in the same room together.
This morning, Depression was king. If you couldn't see the stormy black cloud of never-ending sadness around my head, you could definitely see it in my eyes. Staring blankly ahead...consumed by sad thoughts, I was a sight. But then I wrote down how I felt...and it all went away. Happiness returned, relieved I had finally listened to my instincts and had put Depression back behind locked doors.
This is why I blog.
This is why I share with you how I am feeling. I'm not going to put on here what exactly I was feeling this morning because I don't feel that way anymore. But I do want to share why I blog.
Which is the tiniest, yet greatest treatment for me right now. To have something to do that gets all my thoughts out of my head, to keep Depression and Anger at bay, I write. They can't feed on my negative thoughts if those thoughts aren't in my head anymore.
So thank you for listening.
Even if I never get a response back...this helps.